Here’s part 5 of the stuff I learned in my undergrad in psychology that I thought should have been headlines. If you missed them, here are part 1, part 2, part 3, & part 4. As always, if you are interested or skeptical, leave me a comment and I’ll give you my sources.
If You Punish Your Kids, Use the Mildest Effective Punishment: Do the mildest thing you can that stops the behavior you don’t want. The reason is that a punishment that is harsher than necessary takes the child’s initiative for stopping the behavior out of the picture. If you say “Hey, don’t do that,” and the child responds, they come to think that they didn’t really want to do that thing anyway, since such a mild rebuke got them to stop. Psychologists call these principles “insufficient punishment” and “self-persuasion.” These are research findings, not just speculation. If you sit on and beat your child to get them to stop doing something (as suggested by Mike & Debi Pearl), they will believe something more like “That activity was so great that I’ve only stopped because of that horrible punishment.” In other words, the form of the punishment affects the identity of the child–do they behave well because they think of themselves as well-behaved, or do they behave well only because they fear punishment?
You May Want Your Kids To Be Less Blindly Obedient Than Most People: One of the most famous psychological experiments of all time found that most people risked killing someone they barely knew, given an institutional setting and an authority telling them to do it. The Nazis were mostly not evil, just obedient, like most of us.
Humans Can Be Conformist to the Point of Doubting Their Own Senses:
Each Ethical Decision You Make Affects Your Future Ethical Decisions and Your Identity: If you, say, decide to cheat on a test, you will be more likely to cheat on tests in the future, think of yourself as someone who cheats on tests, and form permissive attitudes about cheating. The opposite is true if you decide not to cheat on a test.
Complement Your Kids For the How Hard They Work, Not How Smart They Are: Getting attention for being smart tends to make kids want to appear smart, which makes them choose easier challenges and lighter competition; it’s the success that matters. Getting attention for hard work does the opposite. This means that these kids will end up smarter than the kids who got attention for being smart.
Teach Your Kids to Think About Intelligence as a Fluid Property: That is, teach them that they can become more intelligent by trying. The more they believe it, the more it will be true for them.
If Your Kids Read, Don’t Reward Them For Reading: They will be more likely to stop, if you do, because they will start to think of reading as something they do to be rewarded, not because they like it. If they don’t read, reward them for reading. This goes for other activities, too.
March 4, 2010 at 11:58 pm
I really like your ideas (at least from the few posts I’ve read). I just stumbled upon your blog after reading an article about radical honesty, which led me eventually to do a google search about brad blanton and landmark (forum). Anyway.
I focus primarily on science and environmental issues, but am fascinated with psychology (I know that’s considered a science), human nature, etc. too. I try to use ideas I have learned from reading/reporting about these topics to guide how I live, as well as to inform my overall picture of the world is.
By the way, you should consider writing up your “headlines from psychology” for an actual publication. You are good at writing them up in clear, compelling ways. Otherwise, if you don’t, do you mind if I steal them? :-)
March 5, 2010 at 12:12 am
Hi Annie,
I’m glad you liked my posts. I have been considering writing them up for publication–thanks for the vote of confidence. I’d prefer if you didn’t steal them, but feel free to re-post with credit! :)
Nathen