Most parenting psychology literature talks about four parenting styles, derived from the combinations of two parenting qualities, warmth (also called “responsiveness”) and demandingness, like this:
| Parenting Style | Warmth | Demandingness |
| Authoritative | High | High |
| Authoritarian | Low | High |
| Permissive | High | Low |
| Neglectful | Low | Low |
Parents who are both warm and demanding (having high standards) are called “authoritative” and considered in psychology to be the best parents. Parents who are both not warm and have low standards are called “neglectful” and considered to be the worst parents. Authoritarian parents and permissive parents (also called “indulgent”) come out in the middle somewhere, the first lacking warmth, the second lacking standards.
The table of parenting styles below is from Rodriguez, Donovick, and Crowley’s 2009 article, “Parenting Styles in a Cultural Context: Observations of ‘Protective Parenting’ in First-Generation Latinos.” In their work with Latino parents, they decided to add a third category, autonomy granting, giving us four new parenting styles: protective, cold, affiliative, and a new kind of neglectful. I’m still thinking about this, but it seems like it could be a breakthrough in parenting theory.
It will be interesting to see if this idea is meaningful in terms of outcomes for the kids of these different kinds of parents. There is evidence, for example, that the kids of authoritarian parents have a lot more trouble with alcohol abuse than those of authoritative, and kids of permissive parents have even more trouble than that. Will there be a significant difference on this outcome between authoritarian and “cold” parents, who differ only in their giving their kids the chance to mess up or not? How about between permissive and “affiliative”?
| Parenting Style | Warmth | Demandingness | Autonomy Granting |
| Authoritative | High | High | High |
| Authoritarian | Low | High | Low |
| Permissive | High | Low | High |
| Neglectful | Low | Low | Low |
| Protective | High | High | Low |
| Cold | Low | High | High |
| Affiliative | High | Low | Low |
| Neglectful II | Low | Low | High |
Nathen's Miraculous Escape 
July 12, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Thought provoking post, but would need more empirical study on this.
Narayanan
July 13, 2010 at 4:33 pm
True. Check out “Parenting Styles in a Cultural Context: Observations of ‘Protective Parenting’ in First-Generation Latinos” for a start. It’s an empirical study.
Nathen
July 13, 2010 at 9:04 am
How would you characterize my parenting style? Be honest now.
July 13, 2010 at 4:46 pm
I can’t give you an unbiased answer, Mom, but my biased answer is that I’m guessing you were authoritative with a permissive streak. That is, you were _very_ responsive, quite autonomy granting, and a mix on demandingness. I would rate you as medium on demandingness, because you had high standards for our interpersonal behavior–getting along with each other, treating each other nicely, stuff like that–but would never get on our case for bad grades and maybe other external-authority related stuff like that which I’m sure the people who made up this system took very seriously.
Perhaps because I am a product of your parenting, I’ve always wondered a little about how important demandingness is. I’m glad, for example, that you and Dad didn’t get critical of my scholastic or athletic performance. It’s hard to imagine that having done me any good. Maybe it depends on the temperament of the child. There is a fair amount of evidence that demandingness is part of what makes authoritative parenting effective, but I wonder if that isn’t ignoring some important variables. That’s part of why I like the addition of autonomy granting into the scheme.
What do you think?
Love,
Nathen
July 13, 2010 at 8:31 pm
I think you are “right on” with your evaluation, Nate. In many ways, I was “strict”. I required obedience, no doubt about it. What I believed was that my children were happier when they knew what was expected of them and felt insecure when the rules weren’t clear. But, I also wanted you guys to feel free to “be yourselves” within that system of rules, and never wanted to thwart you as individuals.
Someone asked me recently what I did when my children were rude and sassy to me. That just didn’t happen at our house. You guys weren’t allowed to give me “lip”, and so it didn’t happen. I taught that to you all as toddlers. It was part of our “family culture”: You aren’t rude to your parents. (The very few times it happened was met by a mighty ferocious mother that was probably pretty scary.) (You certainly gave each other “lip” though! I was not successful at preventing that.)
My main messages were that getting along with others pays off big time, in terms of having a good time in life, being polite (Having social skills and using them) smooths life for you and brings you opportunities, trying your best feels great, having lots of interests and pursuing them is pleasurable, and I especially wanted you all to know that you were loved and appreciated and treasured for who you were and that you were at the top of my priority list. (Still are.)
I see moms today who are much more skilled at “parenting” than I ever was. I admire their advanced methods of teaching their kids to get along while reflecting everyone’s feelings. It’s truly remarkable to watch them do this. I didn’t do that. I wish I had. But, I was set up by my parents to parent in the “old school” way, and that’s what I did. Spankings and all. I sometimes wonder how things would have been different if I’d had the more advanced skills and if you boys would have turned out any differently. I guess we’ll never know.
July 13, 2010 at 8:40 pm
Oh, by the way, the rule against being rude went both ways. I was not allowed to be rude or inconsiderate or disrespectful of you kids either. I held myself to the same standard I expected from you all.