I’ve never been a huge fan of Dan Savage. He rubs me the wrong way kind of like Dr. Laura rubs me the wrong way. They both have moral codes so strong that they don’t need to know very much about a person before dishing out copious advice. Of course, they are both in the business of giving advice, so I guess it comes with the territory. I just want anyone with that much power to listen more and be less sure of their moral code. Their supplicants are real people with complex, unique histories, families, confusion, and pain. Advice before understanding is premature–I read that in one of my textbooks and underlined it. True. And if you think you understand someone after they’ve said a few sentences, you are wrong.
But this video makes Dan Savage a hero to me. This is using power for good. So many gay kids kill themselves! It’s a real, ongoing tragedy and shame in the US. Just at the developmental phase where fitting in is the highest priority, these kids are often denied respect and bullied mercilessly. But it gets better:
October 17, 2010 at 10:28 am
He has said numerous times that he considers his columns primarily entertainment. I think he would agree with you that people should not take his advice as a replacement for a good therapist.
That said I think his use of his platform to promulgate a sex positive view in a relatively mainstream media is invaluable. His strong moral code us what is key. Ignore the specifics and listen to the message.
I think the man is a saint, if they gave sainthoods to snarky funny gay guys who write sex advice columns.
October 18, 2010 at 12:36 am
You’re absolutely right about advice. It should be weighted for how much the person knows the situation.
But if you think about it, 99.99% of the people who enjoy his column and podcast (myself included) will never call or write for advice. So it doesn’t really matter if his advice would be different if he knew the details better. I’ll never know those details, and I’ll probably never be in that exact situation. The advice in his column/podcast, for most readers is just a foil for addressing issues in the abstract.
What I have gotten, besides entertainment, out of this, is a general attitude. Phrases he repeats regularly like dealbreakers, ggg, relationship is not a deposition, and dtmfa are less a “moral code” and more catchy axioms of a self-respecting, respectful, rational, and open attitude towards the world. One that, for the most part, I agree with.